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So I went home this weekend, mainly because my sister has been staying with my dad for a few weeks, getting shit done that should have been done for the past two years that my mother is incapable of doing. I always hate going home because of how good my stepmother is at making me feel weird and uncomfortable. The entire time she makes comments about how good I look now that I am skinny and just making a big deal about my appearance, like it matters.

She woke me up this morning by informing me that she and my father were going to take me to get my hair all done up, and buy me some shit. I shouldn't get mad about this because I expect it whenever I go home. If they didn't buy me shit, I wouldn't come home. But being here this time, and realizing that all my parents talked about was what thing they were going to buy in the next week, or where they were going on vacation made me really depressed. Anything brought up in conversation is either small town gossip or what their plans were to spend money.

So today in the car my stepmother was talking about how she met this woman at bingo who was waiting for a kidney transplant, and she had to get dialysis all the time. The woman had said that she had A positive blood, and thats what my stepmom had. Then she went on that she went to say that she would never give her kidney to someone that she had just met, and maybe she would to save the life of a family member. '

Later she went on to talk about how they were going camping this weekend and that she wanted to make some chili. Their original plan was to make a large pot of chili for everyone that was going camping, like thirty people (everyone chipping in), but she decided that she just wanted to do it alone. I think it would be really fun to an entire family to gather around and making chili together.

Things that they got me today: a new haircut I didn't really want, about 5 shirts, a drink from Starbucks, an expensive lunch, like 9 pairs of new socks, and probably more to come.

So just a second ago I went into the kitchen for a break from this, and my stepmother was like "Amanda, come look at this" and it was a picture of a whales tail sticking out of water. She said that on her cruise that they are going to take, she wanted to see that in their natural habitat. I wanted to say " That is stupid, you are destroying their natural habitat, and you should just die so they can be in peace, and go to their breeding habitats without being ogled at by stupid humans who think it is pretty fun to invade whales space to fulfill some stupid urge to look at things that they believe to be cool", but I didn't. They go on cruises at least once a year.

There was a girl that I knew during my first year in college that decided that she was going to write a paper about how cruises were good. One of her reasons was that the flow of tourists were good for island economies, and that the indigenous people of the island selling crap to asshole tourists was a good idea. Why are people sssssssssooooooooooo stupid?



So I got in a fight with a friend, and said some things that wouldn't have been said if I hadn't have been fired up and exhasted at the same time. It is really hard to talk to people when there are so many emotions going on and you don't fully understand what the other person is thinking.

.

What was your face before your parents were born?

What is true isn't really.

There are always people who get things right, but are attacked because what they are saying will disrupt the order of things. The ones in power control what we believe to be true. Fuck.

Think, for yourself.